I’m writing this off the back of going out every night and averaging approximately 3 hours of sleep for 10 solid days. No, I’m not an alcoholic. No, I’m not a masochist. No, I wasn’t at an Indian wedding. However, I do suffer from a pretty serious affliction that everyone has experienced at one stage or another in their lives. What I’m talking about is, FOMO. “Fear of missing out” is a serious problem that people around the globe face day-in, day-out. So, I’m here to do a public service and give you the lowdown on this global pandemic – recognizing the symptoms and learning how to treat it. Stay safe out there, folks!
How do you catch FOMO?
Unlike traditional pathogens, FOMO is a sneaky bitch. You never know when, where or from whom you could catch it. It could start with a couple of casual after-work drinks that end up turning into an awesome evening of table-dancing, tequila-swigging and questionable hook-ups (#truestory). The incubation time varies from host to host but once you’ve got it, it can be difficult to pull yourself out of that deep, dark hole. Before you know it, even the idea of missing out on a round of pool down the local dive bar, sends you into a flurry of panic, “What if Beyoncé were to show up, in the market for a new BFF and I miss out on this totally likely possibility? Hell no, I am not risking missing out on doing body shots with Queen B herself… I’m going out!” **Note to self – this still could happen.
Who’s at risk?
Nobody is safe.
Recognising the symptoms – do I have FOMO?
In order to deduce whether you have, in fact, caught FOMO, I pose to you the following questions:
1. Have you gone out this week?
2. Was it more than twice?
3. Was it during a school night?
4. Do you find it difficult turning down a “night cap”?
5. Are you usually the one suggesting said “night cap”?
6. Does this night cap turn into 12 Dark & Stormies?
7. Do you wake up exhausted vowing to “never drink again”
8. Does 6pm roll around and you’re wondering who’s out and how you can do it all over again?
If you answered “yes” to more than 4 of the above, then you might have FOMO. Please have yourself checked out and inform anyone you may have come into contact with in the previous 24 hours. You may have infected them with your own brand of awesome… like I said before, nobody’s safe.
How can you treat FOMO?
If you genuinely want to avoid temptation, cut it off at the source – don’t check your Instagram incessantly, don’t log into Facebook, keep the metaphorical blinkers on from the moment you leave the office till you get home and please oh please, don’t message me to go for a drink because I will drag you down with me! Or… you could just man up, go out and have a fucking good time. After all, you only live once (oh now we’re crossing into a whole other territory…) and with all the crazy, impulsive shit you do – those will end up being some of the best memories… unless you black out.
**NB – it goes without saying, but please drink responsibly.